At odds with my hair

Recently I’ve been at odds with my hair. It starting falling out and getting thin at the end of last year. I’ve begun to have empathy for women who lose hair. It’s scary and embarrassing and just…sucks. Thank God lately I’ve been seeing some improvement with taking more biotin…until my itching scalp came back with a vengeance after trying some new hair products! So I’ve sworn off using hair products in my hair until I can find something to heal my scalp. I started using different tea tree oil-ed shampoos and even used Nioxin for three months straight but didn’t end up with the healthy hair of my 20’s. I’ll be 20-12 in a few days and I still feel like a kid sometimes! Lost about who I am and what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve realized that I while my peers have developed style and confidence I struggle with putting on make-up…cause I don’t want to.

My question is why am I so at odds with where I am and where I’d like to be? When I see a beautiful confident woman who carries herself with a sense of peace and style, I admire that. Natural beauty with a touch of make-up and style. Of course my producer mind thought “this would make a great story! Why don’t I document my journey from drag to fab!”?

I’ve been missing youtube vlogging and feel that I’ve exhausted the videos about being a mom. It was a wonderful outlet and it actually brought me in contact with a lot of wonderful people but I’ve come to the time where I need a change. I’m a mom 100% of the time at home and it might be time to reconsider using these modern technologies to help me discover and develop myself as an artist and create a little virtual space of my own. (and enter “mom guilt”)

Part of me is afraid of sucking and part of me is sure that there’s nothing else I’d rather do that be a performing and visual artist. It must have something to do with the mixed hair…right? It is what it is…curly and I am what I am…an artist.

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