This past weekend was my birthday. Actually last thursday was my birthday and I was not taking this particular birthday very well at all. 30 is exciting because you’ve entered a new decade full of new possiblitites. 31 still feels young because there’s a “one” in your age. But 32 means your well into your 30’s now and there’s no turning back. I finally understood what my older friends meant when they say they wondered if they should have accomplished more in their lives. What was I doing? Still chasing a dream? Doing the same thing every day with the kids, errands, chores, homeschooling?
This past weekend my hubby surprised me with a party with all my family back in OH. I’ve never had a birthday party with all my cousins and aunts and second cousins. In fact I hadn’t realized that until my husband pointed it out! lol! It was so great! There was jamaican food (my mom’s side is jamaican) and music and little ones running around. I felt so loved. Perspective is a funny thing. I could look at my life up until now as unexciting. I am a stay at home mom while my friends travel the world and build their careers. I’m unable to wear clothes without worrying about who’s going to put their greasy hands on my blouse that day while other women go to work in cute work outfits and get paid for what they do to boot. And they list could go on. In reality, when I think about it, I have a blessed life. I have a loving husband who went through a lot to surprise me for my birthday. I have three healthy, smart, unique children. I am on a path of working towards doing ministry full time and I have the support of my friends and family.
Someone asked me about any words of wisdom at dinner with my friends which made me laugh because I used to ask those questions to my friends in their 30’s. And all I could say was the best thing I have done is to submit my life to God. Submit my thoughts on how I thought I was to achieve my dreams and try to follow where He leads instead of fighting to lead myself. And you know the funny thing is that if you were to paint a picture of submission in my life it would look like the reed in the wind getting bent to the point of breaking. That’s me! I fight and fight unknowingly until I’m just about broken and it’s at that point I usually realize that the reason I’m so “down” is because God is bending my stubborn head in another direction!
All in all I grateful for the gift of another year and I pray that with this coming year comes wisdom and more boldness for Christ.